NYCUP Summer’s End is Just the Beginning…

 

So, regrettably I haven’t really gotten the chance to post my final blog post covering the last couple weeks at NYCUP until now.

The last couple weeks seemed to go fast in retrospect, but I want to highlight a few crucial moments.  One of those moments was on my birthday.  Not only was I surprised with an incredibly thoughtful and amazing birthday present from a friend (I will not name this person, but her name starts with Princ and ends with a y), I was reminded of how loved I was by my friends from personal “happy birthdays,” phone calls, and facebook posts.  NYCUP even had a celebration for all the birthdays in the month of July! Yet, something was upsetting me.  You see, I had wanted my parents to come and see me on my birthday as well as see what Logoff was all about.  I was disappointed when I looked towards the door while worship was starting that night and didn’t see my parents.  Hurt, I texted my mom and found out that my dad ended up not wanting to come and they would not be there that night.  It hurt me more to realize that not only had my dad not wanted to see me on my birthday, he didn’t even wish me a happy one over the phone.  What was worse is that he didn’t want to see what I had been doing.  So while I was incredibly blessed to know so many of my friends loved me, there was something missing.  But then, I heard the words to the worship song playing.  It caught my attention because I remember being 14 years old, walking away from a campfire one night singing it to the God whom I had just dedicated my life.  The next song reminded me of a moment where my heart had been transformed by the gospel at a youth conference.  The song after reminded me of a time God comforted me when I was going through something.  Each song had been part of my spiritual journey.  It was then when I realized that my Daddy wanted to be with my on my birthday.  Then, How He Loves was playing, a song that reminded me of a time that I understood God’s love on a deeper level at a youth rally.  And as I sung it out, I heard, not quite audibly but loud and clear, “Happy Birthday, My beautiful daughter.”  I think I must’ve cried at that moment.  I had never thought about it before, but I realized God cared about my birthday!  My Father in Heaven wished me a happy birthday and it blew me away.  My mind still can’t quite wrap my mind around that moment, but it was then that while I loved my friends being there that day and I wanted my family to be there, there was no one I’d rather meet with on my birthday than my Father in Heaven.  It was truly incredible and the best birthday I’ve ever had.

Another moment was when we watched the movie Entre Nos, which depicted the true life story of a female illegal immigrant and her family after being left by her husband.  Her story of her hard word and dedication all the while living in the streets and from day to day was heart wrenching.  It made me question what I believed about illegal immigration, if I even had any real believed about it because I had taken an apathetic stance.  It made me think and feel for those people I pass in the street everyday, who collect cans and try to sell food or items on the sidewalks.  Inside of me, a newfound desire for government help programs rose and really for God’s Kingdom to come in these situations, because while I can only do so much, God can do infinitely more and desires good for His creations.  I learned that the road from apathy to activism involves heartbreak, and while it may be uncomfortable it is worth the outcome.

Another moment was when we watched Father of Lights, a documentary that really shows the power of God at work in people’s lives.  The documentary made me question what kind of person I want to be and what kind of Christian I want to become.  The miracles portrayed in that movie looked like the miracles I’ve been reading about in the Bible, and my jaw was dropped for almost the whole movie.  I wanted my life to look like the Bible too and I wondered what I was doing wrong that it didn’t.  Yet, as I reflected further I realized that God is already at work in my life, making me look more like Him every day I allow Him to.  I concluded that I need to continue to pursue to live like Jesus in ordinary everyday activities and let Him turn my ordinary into extraordinary.  I look forward to the day Jesus decides to physically heal a person through me, but for now I’ll make myself available to people to listen to their hurts so I can point them to the healer.

NYCUP Summer was something I’ll never forget, the most worthwhile experience I’ve ever had so far, and a transformational force in my life.  I came into NYCUP thinking my movie and my life would change the city forever with the power of God.  Instead, God changed me forever, and I’ll let him continue to work in the city (He’ll do a better job at healing the brokenness than I will) and be privileged to serve Him while He’s working.

What Can I Say?

“Life moves pretty fast.  If you don’t stop to look around once in a while, you just might miss it.” -Ferris Bueller

For the last few days I’ve tried to come up with something to say.  Great things have happened in the past week and a half, but some pretty heavy and dark things have happened too.  I found myself inspired but puzzled at the same time.

I last left off talking about the protest at Nintendo, which in all honesty feels like months ago already.  It’s hard to recall everything that has happened since.  Thursday and Friday of that week had been fairly chill, with a lot of reflection, great conversations, and a really great Logoff workshop where people came together to talk about how to fine tune Logoff to make it more accessible and understandable to people.  There was a great time of worship as well. (There’s one this Friday at All Angels Church that you should come to)!

Saturday we all went to the Global Kitchen exhibit at the Museum of Natural History and I came away with a newfound appreciation for how our food is made and how important food is to cultures around the world.  We also bonded over New York pizza (which is unfamiliar to half of the group) and spent some great time together in fellowship.

We went to New Life Fellowship Church last Sunday where we were challenged to stop judging those around us and surrender any bitterness we harbor against people in our lives.  The pastor talked about the story of the woman caught in adultery.  Now, normally when I hear this story, I associate myself with the woman caught in adultery in the sense that Jesus has forgiven me so much.  But when the pastor talked about it, he said that we all have people in our lives that we judge and harbor anger or bitterness against and metaphorically “stone” in our minds.  This kinda flipped the story upside down for me.  I was now not the person that needed grace from people but was the one who needed to be graceful.  We were called to drop the “stones” we had against others and forgive others unconditionally because Jesus has forgiven us.  I was challenged to think about who I needed to forgive and made a decision to drop my stone.  That was just a first step I took to actually start forgiving people, but it was a step nonetheless.

This past Monday I got to interview Diana Mao, the founder of Nomi Network (a company that provides jobs for girls who are at risk or survivors of sex trafficking and also make really cute bags!).  It was encouraging hearing her heart for the girls and hearing about her journey to found the organization.

Tuesday I got to interview the owner of Sustainable NYC (a really awesome store that sells a lot of local, green, organic and fair trade items) and Dave Ruark, the director of the Price of Life (a giant campaign in early October consisting of 80 events around NYC and centered on 10 college campus’ committed to raising awareness about human trafficking and how Jesus is the answer to the problem).  It was inspiring to see people who were actually committed to seeing change come to NYC and not just throwing in the towel.  It’s so easy to believe that we can do nothing in the fight against human trafficking, but when we remember that God is the One who fights on our behalf and keep believing for change, it will happen.  It was great encountering people who were already in the midst of provoking change.  That night, Jonathan had the amazing idea (prompted by the Spirit, I’m sure) to take the night off from watching a documentary and to instead bring everything in prayer to God.  See, there has been a lot of stuff going on in almost everyone’s life here, lots of sickness in people’s families, issues at home, and deep and profound pain from the past.  We spent 3 hours crying out to God and worshiping, and many of us had the opportunity to meet with God for an extended period of time.  I loved the experience, and I was overwhelmed by the holiness of God and He affirmed that He indeed had a plan for my life, and I didn’t have to beg Him to use me, I just had to be available.

I’ll explain the significance of this in more detail.  The past few weeks I’ve felt kind of lost.  Some people here seem to know what they’re gonna do, where their lives are going.  However, I seem to have no clue.  Of course, filmmaking is a passion of mine that I want God to use.  Yes, I’ll have an english degree to fall back on.  But that doesn’t seem to quite add up to all I want my life to be.  I’ve increasingly felt called to ministry, which can look like a number of things.  That’s the problem though, I don’t know where I’m going or where I’ll end up.  I want my life to count for the Kingdom, to live a life marked by service to Christ.  I want to see revival come to New York City and Long Island, and I want to be a part of that.  If God can use film to do that along the way, so be it, but I just want Him to use me.  I’ve spent nights crying and praying because I feel inadequate to actually accomplish what my heart is set on and asking God what His plans were for me, if any.

All this to say that when God spoke to me that Tuesday night, God showed me He loved me and actually had planned for me to do something for His Kingdom before I was born (Eph. 2:10) so I was ecstatic.  In awe of the holiness of God and a lack of adequate words to praise Him with, I started singing, “so what can I say? And what can I do but offer this heart, O God, completely to you?”

Wednesday I found myself at Mont Lawn City Camp, where kids from the South Bronx get to escape their home situation for a few hours to have fun and learn about Jesus.  I got to witness the Vulnerable People team (the team that’s been working with the kids all summer)  in action and loved hanging out with the kids.  However, it was upsetting to see the area which the kids are growing up in.  70% are from single parent homes and 90% live below the poverty line and the surrounding area didn’t look safe.  I found myself in a place where I was so thankful for what I have been given and the childhood I had but wanted to do so much more for the kids than just hang out for a few hours and take video.  Later that day, some of those same burdens that we had prayed about the day before became real again for people and it hurt and burdened my soul to see others so hurt.  I wanted to be a superhero and rescue all the hurting, to save those in trouble.  I felt puzzled and burdened with the realities that so many people live in on a daily basis.

It was with this attitude that I entered into the 4th of July this past Thursday.  I had a surprise assignment to pray over brothels in Chinatown and take video of other NYCUP students doing just that.  Every block we turned on had at lease 1 brothel on it and most had more.  There are 65 brothels in China Town and it was overwhelming.  I couldn’t help feel useless standing in our little huddle outside.  I couldn’t be a superhero and rescue those girls trapped inside.  I couldn’t even see them, let alone talk to them.  The only thing I could do was pray.  I found myself enraged and a bit lost.  How could a person do that to another human being? How could a man think that buying sex was ever alright?  How can it be so widespread?  Questions arose again from the day before: Why isn’t there adequate help for these kids and families living in the South Bronx? Why do fathers think it’s okay to abandon their children?  Why would any person ever think to harm an innocent child?

Friday came and I had the opportunity to go up to Mont Lawn camp in the Poconos.  It was a pleasure interacting with kids and seeing their excitement to be in the mountains.  They got to play in the streams, make crafts, go swimming, make crafts, bake cupcakes, see animals at the farm, and pretty much just enjoy being a kid.  Before a meal, the counselors lined up the kids outside the meal hall and one counselor began to chant “Who do you love?” The kids then resoundingly and in one voice yelled “Jesus.”  The counselor then shouted again “Who do you serve?” at which the kids emphatically replied “Jesus.” Once more the counselor exclaimed “Who do you praise?” and the kids screamed the name of Jesus at the top of their lungs.  I was brought to a halt for a moment and I almost broke down in tears.  Seeing from where these kids come from and witnessing just how excited they were by the name of Jesus was staggering.  It was so beautiful, so amazing how Jesus was making Himself known to these children who live in such a dark place.  I thought of the stories they’ll bring back to their families and friends in the neighborhood and just how much in that moment God was working in these kids lives and restoring the South Bronx.

I returned back to Inwood Saturday evening to New York pizza and a quiet night, awaking Sunday morning to go to a service at Christ Crucified in Inwood.  I came away with the sense that God has called me to be a better steward of what He has given me, but that can only happen when I know how good God is.  Later that day we went to see Jimmy Lee, the director of Restore NYC (an organization that runs safe houses for international human trafficking victims), and felt even more informed about human trafficking and what it looks like to join in the fight against it.

Today, I had a day of rest where I spent time alone with God and had the opportunity to have a great conversation with one of the staff here.  I took a walk in the park got lost.  But this time, I wasn’t lost in doubt or fear of what was ahead. (Okay, I was a little fearful) but I really stood in awe of God’s beauty and His creation.  I felt small but loved and important at the same time.  I was reminded of the perfection that God intended us to live in when He created the world as I looked out at the city from under the Henry Hudson Bridge. I saw how God still wants to restore the city and how much He loves the people there. I believe God wants to bring revival to New York City and to use us to do it and that’s why NYCUP is here, that’s why I’m here.  And it’s really great to know that as much as I care for the people who are hurting and captive, God loves them so much more and is already working to set the captives free.  I don’t have to be a superhero, because Jesus was the ultimate superhero and paid for their freedom already.

So what can I say?  And what can I do? But offer this heart, O God, completely to You.ou?

=)

Week 1 1/2: My Experience at New York City Urban Project

NYCUP exists to develop leaders with the character and capacity to change the world.

LOGOFF is a movement which seeks to change consumers into stewards through the process of buying local, green, organic, fair trade, and free from slavery food, clothing, and other items.

This summer I am spending 5 weeks living in Inwood Heights at New York City Urban Project making a documentary about Logoff!

In the last week and a half, several major things have happened while at New York City Urban Project.  One was I left my comfortable home to find a new one in Inwood Heights, where on occasion gunshots can be heard at night from your window.  Another was I left my comfort zone far behind to enter into a new zone where the goal is to push boundaries and engage with one another, the local community, and really all of NYC.  Another one was that I had left my selfishness behind me, where the main concerns of my day were for myself, and enter into a new reality where there are issues presented to me that are bigger and beyond myself.

Yet in all of these things there was beauty to be found. While there are broken parts of Inwood, it is largely encompassed by spanish culture with fun food and music.  The community is so alive, as you walk down the street you can hear different latino style, hip swinging, salsa dancing music.  You can smell the plantanos being cooked in a truck nearby.  You can see the kids playing in the street and hear their cries of joy as they tag the next person to be it.  Walking in the park you can see families eating together and baseball games with people ages 6 to 60.  God showed me he loved this area and that He can be seen in it through the beautiful creation and the beautiful people.  Yet God also showed me that he is saddened and outraged by the gang violence, the sexual exploitation, and the fact that 70% of children in this area do not have a father who is actively part of their life.  During the week I was facing some frustration, I felt I was only capturing moments on film to encourage people to do something in the future and wasn’t doing anything now.  And then God spoke to me, and he said you are not here to make a documentary, although that is a task you are performing.  You are here to minister to my people, you are here to be a light.  Now making a documentary, that’s pretty exciting stuff.  But being a minister of the gospel to the lost and dying, now that is something that makes my heart beat fast and demands all of my love.  It is that which I could give my life for.

Now I had mentioned earlier that I had left my comfort zone at home.  Since I got here I have been challenged to stop clinging to my great Hofstra friends and try and make new ones.  I was concerned that other people wouldn’t be able to understand my silly sense of humor or I wouldn’t quite fit in.  However, I have met some amazing people and had surprising conversations from silly to serious.  A particular blessing has been my roommate, Amanda, who I seemed to instantly bond with and her passion for the broken is mind boggling (she’s interning at Restore NYC!).  One of the greatest moments of the week was a simple trip to Shake Shack and times square together because we all got to talk and just be ourselves as a group.  It was almost as if we all had been friends for years!   Another way I was brought out of my comfort zone was when we did feed 500, which is when you bring food (some for you and some for a homeless person) with the intention to sit and eat with them and engage in a conversation.  While I have done this before, each time is a new experience.  We talked to 6 people who were homeless, one who’s name was Orlando, a handicapped man from New Jersey.  While this was not an extraordinary conversation, I believe it was meaningful.  We got to share with him who we were and where we were from, and he did likewise.  Even simple conversations such as this are important to a man who rarely has one.  While we were still talking to him, a man working at a nearby restaurant came out and shooed him away from the table in Bryant Park.  We weren’t able to finish our conversation before he rolled off.  It is in situations like this that we are brought to the place where we realize that we don’t have the power to carry even this one man’s burdens on our back.  We couldn’t help him anymore, he was out of our reach.  But we realized that he wasn’t out of God’s reach.  We had to surrender our pride and let Jesus carry the weight of the world on His back because He was the one that has always carried it!

I had also mentioned that I needed to leave my selfishness behind.  Recently we’ve watched several really great documentaries all highlighting different issues.  One of our first days at NYCUP we went to a screening of Girl Rising hosted by World Vision and the Inwood Academy for Leadership.  We watched the amazing stories of different girls who faced oppression, sexism, and the denial of human rights but were determined to overcome it.  I was inspired by the courage of so many young girls and felt myself getting emotional over the fact that so many girls are denied the chance to be educated and are often married off at a young age.  I wanted to help in some way and making people more aware of what is going on around the world.  In the beginning hours of my summer I was already put in a position to look outside of myself.  We continued on to watch 740 Park Avenue, which addressed the issues of poverty in the South Bronx and many other areas while certain people who are extraordinarily wealthy continue to make the system work for their favor.  I was again confronted with another injustice, trying to make sense in my mind why just 400 people have as much money as 155 million Americans combined!  Why do families need to struggle to eat?  Again I was challenged to look after the needs of others.  It was after this that we participated in feed 500.  We then watched the documentary Fresh, which talked about injustices within the food industry not only done to animals, but to people too.  I discovered that things grown organically and animals that are raised in a traditional farming environment are healthier for you and is more like the way God intended to earth to be.  I also learned that the organic farmers are not bound by restricting contracts and take pride in their work.  We learned that you don’t need to be rich to eat healthy and healthy food is even accessible to the poor with farmers markets and urban farming.  The last documentary we watched was called Sex and Money, which showed the vast amount of prostitution in America and explained that prostitution is sexual slavery.  We saw girls tell their stories of how they were forced by pimps into prostitution at age 12, 13, and 14.  It broke my heart to see the brokenness in their lives, but more insurmountable was the idea that there were over 100,000 girls just like them.  What can I do to see sex slavery overcome in the United States? Or even just New York?  All these things can weigh heavy on me because I do want to do so much to help change it all.  But I’m learning that just like Orlando, all these problems rest in the hands of God, and I can’t think of a better hand to leave them in.

However, although it’s all left in Jesus’ hands, he has invited me to join in fighting injustice with him!  Not only have we done feed 500, but we also volunteered to clean the rooftop garden of the Bowery Mission.  We got to help them harvest the garden to feed the men downstairs as well and on top of all that I got to interview the Assistant Director!  We also showed love to a community in Queens where we got to help transform a formerly abandoned lot into a beautiful garden!  This morning, we participated in a protest against Nintendo because they use conflict minerals in their video game systems.  Of course, I captured all of these things on video.  I’ve gotten several interviews with students and Jonathan Walton, expressing their heart for the causes we are supporting.  I’ve also had the blessing of following around the stewardship team as they discover practical and great ways to eat healthy and in a way that protects the rights of people and the planet!  God is doing great things here at NYCUP, and I am so excited for what lies ahead!  It’s an honor and a blessing to be a part of it all and it’ll be amazing to see what God does with the documentary!

A Franciscan Benediction

May God bless you with discomfort

At easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships,

So that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger

At injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people,

So that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.

May God bless you with tears

To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger, and war,

So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain to joy.

 

And may God bless you with enough foolishness

To believe that you can make a difference in the world,

So that you can do what others claim cannot be done,

To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.

 

Amen